A Fading Glimpse

Take a step back - a glimpse of you will flicker.

I didn’t realize how focused I can be in trying to understand her character, her likes & dislikes: she’s soft-spoken at first, prefers 1-on-1 hangouts over groups, enjoys “spilling the tea”, bantering, and making silly “demon sounds”. She can be a goofball at times, and it’s the weirdness I liked. She could get anxious in new groups, self-conscious about her hair when it’s windy, her love-language is touch then quality-time, prone to love-bombing & easily attached - but is certainly aware of it. She likes picking up random hobbies: rock tumbling, guitar, and crafting beaded rings. She likes Lego botanical sets, thin minimalistic metal bracelets, purses, perfumes, TikTok, and yarn-knitted clothes especially in the winter (a soft white one at the coffee shop, and a striped blue-gray one when we got pho).

Overtime, I started picking out gifts she’d like - even for her birthday 6 months in advance lol. I made her a bracelet with interchangeable Lego plates. So as we shared more experiences, a plate could be made for that shared memory. I left one empty for her upcoming birthday.

But I remembered what she said about “love bombing”. I didn’t want to do that to her. Over a half-dozen gifts left ungiven. Held back in other ways too. Iono why, although some slipped by.

I didn’t realize how emotions could take a reign over me. What hurt the most was seeing her beautiful eyes but this time in tears. I made up a lie and blame-shifted a fictitious person, but it turned out to be the proverbial final nail for her.

Maybe I’ll come across another gift again - and express the un-expressed